I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
