"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
