soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
