Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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