I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
