dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
