I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
