If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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