I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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