I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
