I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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