Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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