You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
