Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
