She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
