Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
