Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
