you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
