Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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