Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
