The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am available for nakedness
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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