and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
