The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
