Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
