cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
