The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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