You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
