So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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