If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
