At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
