I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
