Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
