I'm passing your future prison.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I came so hard my ears popped.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
