If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
