I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
