maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
