She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
