im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
