I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
