My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
