Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
