I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
