I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
