Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
