whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
