i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
