i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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