i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want a musical about memes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
