they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
