Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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