Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
