Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
